it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
