You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
try to milk me bitch
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