he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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