I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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