Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
