the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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