i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
