Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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