My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
