nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
