you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They took my balls.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
