That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And then my night got REAL pukey
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
