well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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