i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
