Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
