it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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