his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize