The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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