Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
