it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
