We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
