well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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