And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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