i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
