Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
