You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
