Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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