He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you didnt know i had herpes?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
