I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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