This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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