if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
