I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
