Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
