It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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