U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
