im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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