Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
