Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
