i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
