my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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