I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
