Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
