i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
