Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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