So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize