It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
