Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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