he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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