I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
