Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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