If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
