does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
