The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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