I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
