life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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