I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
