I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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