I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
