This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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