i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize