I want to make a zoo with you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
