i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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