It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
