shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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