Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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