i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
