I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
