things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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