Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
