sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
