I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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