Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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