I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
