I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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