today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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